soul talk #1: midnight thoughts

 

midnight thoughts

hey, assalamualaikum.

this is my first blog, so I'm kinda don't know how this bloggy thing works actually hehe. Ehem ehem let me introduce myself. 

firstly, I wanted to be known as Black Swan. I would like to keep things private so I will not expose my real name hehe. I am a 20 years old female student from Malaysia. Why I started this blog? Actually, I am really bored and stress with this never-ending covid pandemic. Plus, I have no talent nor hobbies therefore I decided to start blogging. A gentle reminder that I am NOT a good writer, and the major I pursue has nothing to do with writing. I hope that explains why my writing does not make sense at all hahaha.

so, what are we writing today huh? I actually wanted to talk about something hmm. How do I start? okay, I believed everyone has gone through this thing called "midnight thoughts" right? It can turn out to be a positive one or the opposite. But, most of the time, at this hour, it is usually the overthinking time hahaha. So, I have this midnight thought of "I will never be good enough, no matter how much I tried".

Listen. 

1. I think I can never be as pretty as girls out there, even though I truly understand that beauty standard aren't real.

2. I can never be a genius, no matter how hard I study.

3. I am useless and have no talent at all.

I really don't know what to do or where to start. You see, I think I am so average. Nothing about me is special. Guess that is why I am single huhu. No personality, nothing. I try to find myself a hobby that I enjoyed, but I always end up giving up on it because I am that "cepat bosan" type OMGGG, please. 

Sometimes, I question my purpose in life. I don't even know myself, how am I suppose to love me. I swear I wanted to be happy again, for MYSELF, my friends, and my family. I don't wanna give up on my life and just end it because I don't want to make my parents cry and sad and blame themselves "where did they go wrong?".

Anyways, that is my midnight thoughts lately, and writing this blog really distracted me from doing something dumb. So, if this blog happened to be seen by you, please pray that everything is going to be fine for me and for us InshaAllah.

-End-

Black Swan.